I finally had that moment. The one were it finally all comes to a boil and bam, the emotions come out…in that ugly crying form. Haha.
I feel like I’ve been holding it in for weeks. I have been frustrated beyond belief over my not being able to run and it finally hit a head. Two weeks after not being able to do more than walk a few miles I tried going on a run today. I got a half mile into the three miles I was going to try and I felt the pull in my groin. I immediately stopped. I wished more than I can describe how I wanted to punch something. I wanted to break down and cry right then and there. But I held it in. I walked until I got home and figured I would do some weights instead to at least get something in…try and work on toning up because my body is changing too much without the running.
I’m lifting, doing whatever I feel like and all it took was one glace at something. And it just came flooding out. I can only imagine what I looked or sounded like but it was guttural. I was racked with the shakes, sobbing so hard I could barely breath but allowed myself to let it all out. What’s the point of holding it all in? I allowed myself to think of all the things I was uncomfortable, pissed, frustrated or anything about. Sometimes it’s these moments that we need the most, right?
Even as I write this I can still feel myself on the verge of tears, which obviously means it isn’t over. As much as I hate feeling like this, so weak and sad, it needs to be let out. Because the more I allow myself to feel vulnerable, the sooner it will pass and I can move past it and onto…a better being.